I still can't believe it...I don't need surgery!

I don't know what to say. I'm almost speechless. (Almost! Come on, it's me, I'm never really speechless!) I'm still floating on Cloud 9 after getting the news that I don't need heart valve replacement surgery. At least not now, and maybe never.

On Wednesday I went to the hospital and had a T.E.E. (Transesophageal Echocardiogram)  I was supposed to have it on Tuesday but when Dave and I arrived at the hospital they didn't have me on the books.  There was some sort of mix-up so they had me come back on Wednesday.  

I felt really nervous on Tuesday and that was the first time, through all of the tests and procedures, that I had felt that way.  I've really felt pretty calm through everything.  (Very un me like!  I've said it before and I'll say it again, I'm a freaker outer!)  I can't put my finger on it, but I just felt nervous and uneasy.  And I just wanted to get the procedure over with.  Having a tube put down my throat wasn't an exciting idea in my opinion.

When I found out they weren't going to do the procedure I was irritated.  Dave had taken the day off so that he could be with me and drive me home and I really really really wanted to get it over with.  I'm ashamed to say that I was a little bit frustrated with the girl on the phone at the doctor's office who called to tell me I'd have to come back the next day.  I felt bad afterward, it wasn't her fault.  (I feel better now because I called her an apologized.  She was super sweet and understanding.)

So back we went on Wednesday.  And here's something weird, I didn't feel nervous at all on Wednesday.  Maybe there was a reason it wasn't supposed to happen on Tuesday.  Maybe God was looking out for me, like He always does.  And He really always does!

Having a T.E.E. meant having an anesthesiologist and getting to take a very short but very nice nap.  The nurse told me they would be using Propofal to put me to sleep.  I started to say, "Isn't that..." and she interrupted and said, "Yep, that's Jackson Juice."  They put me out with the same stuff that put Michael Jackson out permanently.  I'm pretty sure they gave me a smaller dose.  : )  That stuff is amazing!! I can kind of see why the King of Pop was a fan.  It knocks you out instantly and then wears off almost instantly.  You wake up within 60-120 seconds and you feel great!  I mean really great!  Not sleepy, not dopey, not grumpy. Really not any of the seven dwarfs.  I felt like me.  It was so cool not to feel that drugged feeling you sometimes have after being knocked out.

The procedure only took about 10 minutes.  They went down my throat and took a peek at my ticker and then shared the most fabulous news ever!  The cardiologist downgraded my heart valve damage from severe to mild.  Severe to mild!!!  That is a miracle!  They never ever gave me hope that this would happen.  They just scheduled the surgery for November 6th and told me I would be fine.  Never in a bazillion years did I think my heart would heal and I would be able to avoid the surgery.  The doctor said the meds (and let me tell you, I now take a lot of meds) are helping and that my valves are barely leaky.  Barely leaky I tell you!!!

I know without a doubt that there is more to this than the handful of meds I take twice a day.  I am so grateful for those meds, they are amazing, but God is much more amazing, and I know He had everything to do with this great blessing!  I know it without a doubt.  The prayers of all of the people who have cared so much, the people who fasted for me, and the Priesthood blessings that I received are the reason I'm no longer as leaky.  I've had fabulous medical care.  I appreciate every nurse and doctor and wheel chair and gurney pusher who has helped me.  They are my heroes.  But God is my real hero!  And I give him all of the glory and all of my gratitude and love.  

For now I am surgery free.  There is a chance that I may someday need to have the leaky valves replaced or repaired, but there is also a chance I won't.  Whatever happens, I will go forward with faith.  That's what I'm learning to do.  It's a process for me.  Sometimes I freak out, because I'm a freaker outer.  But with each trial I have experienced in my life I have learned to trust God more and more.  And he never ever lets me down.

Trusting God doesn't mean things always go the way we hope they will.  For me, this time, the outcome has far exceeded my expectations.  I have learned that no matter what happens, no matter what life brings us, trusting God is the very best way to go!  It's the path that brings peace and comfort.  It's the path that brings us closer to Him.

Thanks for reading this silly little blog and a million thanks for all of your kind words, prayers, flowers, cards, treats and love.  I love you all back, more than I can say!

From my heart to yours,

Here was the non-nervous me before the T.E.E. (Haha!  I'm a poet!)

Having to be a Scripps LaJolla two days in a row allowed us to attend the temple two days in a row.

And that's a good thing!  A very good thing!

An angiogram and amazing news!

1. 

   
   

On Tuesday Dave took me to the hospital for an angiogram.  My surgeon said I needed an angiogram before my heart valve replacement surgery to make sure none of my arteries were blocked, and if they were they would do bypass surgery at the same time as the valve replacement.  Can I even tell you how much I didn't want to have both?  

I was so relieved when during the angiogram the cardiologist put his hand on my shoulder and told me my arteries were all in great shape!  Phew!  Now all I needed to do was get through the chest cracking procedure and I'd be home free.

But wait!  (Here's the amazing part!)

a·maz·ing

əˈmāziNG/

adjective

1. causing great surprise or wonder; astonishing.

   "an amazing number of people registered"

   synonyms:

   astonishing, astounding, surprising, stunning, staggering, shocking

They took me into the recovery room and a few minutes later Dave walked in.  He said, "You're not going to believe this."  And then he proceeded to tell me that my heart doesn't appear to be as damaged as they originally thought.  The medicines I've been taking have worked in a miraculous way and they aren't sure I need a chest crack after all.

I couldn't believe it.  I just could not believe it.  Never once did it enter my mind that I would get that kind of news on that day.  I was so grateful to hear about my arteries.  I had prayed that my arteries would be clear and that I wouldn't need bypass surgery, but never had I prayed that I wouldn't need the valve replacement.  I cried.  Big crocodile tears of gratitude ran down my face.  I just couldn't believe it.

I'm not completely in the clear yet, but here is my favorite part of this story.  I get to go to Utah the end of November and be there when our second little grandpunk is born.  My heart was broken because the scheduled surgery on November 6th was going to prevent me from being there.  I still can't believe it.  I know I keep repeating myself but I still feel so amazed, and so very very grateful.

The cardiologist said there is still about a 60% chance that I will need the chest crack, but that means there is a 40% chance I won't.  And even if I do, it won't need to happen until after the first of the year because my heart valves aren't as damaged as they thought, and my condition isn't as critical as they thought.  

The cardiologist's hope is that they can monitor me every six months and that the surgery won't be needed.  I'm having a procedure called a T.E.E. on Tuesday that will give them an even better peek at my heart and then we will know more.  During the T.E.E. an anesthesiologist will knock me out and they will go down my throat with a scope and see what's up with my valves.  I'll take that over a chest crack any day.

I probably shouldn't tell you this part, but on Wednesday morning as Dave and I talked about all of this, he cried, too.  He's a macho man so he might not want y'all to know, but I tell you that so you can see how much gratitude we feel.  

Gratitude for great medical insurance and fabulous doctors.

Gratitude for all of the kindness that has been shown to us.

Gratitude for all of the faith and prayers in our behalf.

Gratitude for this enormous tender mercy.

This might seem kind of strange, but I also felt some guilt with all of this good news.  Why me?  I don't feel deserving of such a great blessing.  There are others who are much more deserving of what feels to me like a miracle.  But this I do know, everything, and I mean everything, is according to God's will.  All we need to do is trust Him and everything, and I mean everything, will be alright.  

If I do end up needing a chest crack, then that's what I'll do.  And I'll trust God. And no matter what, He will carry me through, as He always has.

From my heart to yours,

1. 
    Before the angiogram...I wasn't even nervous!  Very un-me-like!
   
   
2. 
   After the angiogram...trying to process the amazing news!
3. 
   

May 2012, holding our first grandpunk for the first time!  Heaven on earth!!!

Cooties are the enemy!

Everyone knows that boys have cooties!  I've known that since kindergarten.  Maybe even before.  But somewhere along the way us girls get over it and end up loving them despite their cootie issues.

Well, right now cooties are on my list of things to be avoided.  They join the ranks of other items including unhealthy yet delicious foods, exertion to the point of getting out of breath, and lifting heavy items.  (The only exception being our grandpunk, Hudson.  Lucky for my ticker he lives out of state because nothing else could keep me from lifting that kid up and smooching him to death.)

Getting back to the cootie issue:

My hubby mentioned to me that he didn't think I should be hanging out where there are large groups of people.  "That's silly," said I.

Then my wonderful walking friend, Lori, said she agreed with Dave.  "That's silly," said I. (And the question must be asked, is she really a friend if she takes Dave's side over mine?  Hmmm...)

Then my mom agreed with Dave and Lori.  "That's silly," said I.  (My mom has a bit of an issue with cooties in general so her opinion is a bit biased.)

In order to prove them all wrong, when I went to the cardiologist on Thursday, I asked the question, knowing that they were all being extreme in their advice and that the doc would agree with me.  This is where my bubble was finally burst.  The doc had the nerve to agree with all of them, stating that it's the beginning of flu season and that I need to go into the chest crack (not her exact words) in the best health possible.  "Okay," said I.  Even I know when I've been defeated.

So today I got to church just as it was starting, which nearly killed me.  People who know me know I am not not not a late running person.  I am timely.  I have OCD when it comes to being timely.  Being late causes me stress and anxiety.  And if you make me late I will cause you stress and anxiety.  That's just how I roll.  It's in my DNA.

So today I showed up a titch late (with my heart racing from stress and anxiety) and left exactly as church finished.

No saying hello to all of my peeps.  

No hugs with the folks I love so much.  

No kisses on the cheek that leave sweet lipstick marks.  

Not even a double sided air kiss.

Although I did blow a bunch of kisses to my friends Mike and Susie Cazanave as I was leaving because not getting love from and giving love to a Cazanave is just about the worst thing ever.  Even worse than cooties.  Cazanave love is over-the-top, straight from the angels, make you feel warm and fuzzy from the tips of your toes to the top of your gray roots kind of love.  (I have gray roots right now so forgive me for being a bit distracted.)

At first I was annoyed by this situation, but then I realized that I can keep myself company with my own thoughts.  Both of them.  And in the process remain cootie free.  Except for that boy I live with. But I'm willing to take that risk to hang with him!

From my heart to yours,

January 16, 1982
The day I threw caution to the wind and married my BFF...
cooties and all!

Can heart valve replacement surgery cure OCD?

There.  I said it.  I have O.C.D.

Not the hand washing kind, although I do wash my hands anytime I think I've touched a cootie.

Not the locking the door over and over kind, although sometimes I do lay in bed and wonder if the door is locked.

Not the turning the lights on and off over and over kind, although I do go around the house turning lights off.

Not the counting over and over kind, although I do prefer to buy items in quantities of six.  (This is not always possible.  Six apples is doable, six toasters, not so much.)

The type of O.C.D. that has taken over my life for a good part of my life is called list making.  I am a lover of lists.  Lists are my life.  Lists make me happy, and crossing something off a list brings out the giddy in me.

Most of my lists are kept on my phone.  The include but are not limited to:

• Walmart - get what you need at a discount while enjoying a freak show
• Costco  - my mom has become my personal Costco shopper and I highly recommend everyone have one
• Family Christmas Letter - I keep a list all year long of the boneheaded things we Andersons do so I can remember to share them in our cray cray Christmas letter - get ready, this year it's gonna be a doozy!
• Daisy Book - this is where I keep quotes I want to remember to send to Elder Jake - you can see his Daisy Book quotes here:
  http://elderjakeanderson.blogspot.com/p/daisy-book-quotes.html
• Surgeon - this list includes questions I want to remember to ask, including "Are you sure I need to have that STUPID sleep study?"  
• Pre-Surgery Bucket List - to become it's very own post at some point

When a list becomes out of control, and when I'm feeling a bit out of control, I do this...

This is our bedroom door.  (Looking at this pic I can see that the door needs a paint job.  I'd better add that to the list.)  This is my pre-chest cracking to-do list.  It's not complete, it's a work in progress.  Pretty much every day I add something to it and move these little stickies around like chess pieces.  

I know what you're thinking, this girl is a new kind of crazy.  But you are wrong.  This is what keeps me from going crazy.  If I don't do this, I can't get all of these to-dos out of my brain.  When I type them into my phone or stick them on the door and get busy tackling the list I feel good, oh so good!

I live with someone who has a very different type of O.C.D.  I don't think my wonderful hubby has ever made a list in his life.  And I'm not kidding.  He blows with the wind when it comes to the to-do part of life.  We are different in that regard.  I'm not saying one of us is right and one is wrong, but my way is most certainly superior.

This is the type of O.C.D. Dave displays on a daily basis:

This morning's dishes after Dave washed, rinsed and stacked them

He is obsessively neat.  Neat is his middle name.  Not organized, that's a different animal.  Neat is its own issue.  And being the wife of a neat freak I must say, it's not the worst thing ever.  This morning he did the dishes, which he does quite often.  He's a good boy.  

When Dave does the dishes it involves the following process:

• Prepare dish water to the exact temperature that will disinfect and sanitize
• Check all soap levels, including the soap bottle and the scrubber with soap in the handle
• Adjust soap levels if not to specifications
• Double check water to insure temperature is correct
• Dispense exact amount of soap into appropriate amount of water
• Rinse each dish to the point of total cleanliness before it enters the dish water
• Place perfectly rinsed dishes in dish water
• Scrub each dish until your arms ache
• Scrub each dish one more time for good measure
• Rinse each dish, individually, until there isn't even the memory of a soap bubble
• Rinse one more time because the bottle says rinse and repeat
• Stack the dishes on the mat as if they were little soldiers marching off to war
• Double check for any stray bubbles that may have made it through the rinse process
• Clean out the already clean sink with a product containing bleach
• Repeat after each meal or snack

When I do the dishes I give them a quick (very quick) rinse and toss them into the dishwasher.  Then I say a little prayer that all the gunk comes off in the wash and go about my day.  Like I said, we are different in this way.  

And just because I haven't quite shared TMI about Dave's OCD, you should also know that when hanging up clothes, the system in his closet is as follows:

• Blue shirts go on blue hangers
• White shirts go on white hangers
• Red shirts go on red hangers
• Pink shirts...haha, he doesn't wear pink...he thinks pink and purple and yellow are girlie colors

Do you see the level of the issues going on in the Anderson household?  So back to my original question, is there any chance, any chance at all, that heart valve replacement surgery can cure O.C.D.  Maybe not, but let's just pray the surgeon is as meticulous with my valves as Dave is with his dishes. 

From my heart to yours,

Dave and I share this obsession...BIG TIME!!!

When it rains, it pours!

There are a few things in life that terrify me:

• Snakes (or really anything that is slithery)
• Spiders (even daddy long legs)
• Bugs (all except the ladies)
• Not having electricity and not being able to blow dry my hair
• My upcoming sleep study (that will be it's very own blog post)
• and THE DENTIST!!!!!!!!!!

Terrified is a serious word.  Not a word to be used lightly.  

Once I heard a snake slither while I was on a walk in the hills and even though someone assured me it was a sprinkler I was terrified!  

Once a spider crawled across my chest while I was laying in bed and I was totally terrified!  

Once a bug flew into my mouth, and didn't make it out.  And I was freakishly terrified!

Once I didn't have electricity and I couldn't blow dry my hair and I had to take a sick child to the doctor and I ran into an old high school friend that I hadn't seen in years and I was completely terrified!  And horrified!  

And next week I have to do a STUPID sleep study and spend the night at a STUPID sleep study center and have STUPID people watch me sleep and I am over the top terrified!  (Stupid is not a nice word but it is appropriate in this instance.)

And the thing I am most completely totally over the top terrified of is THE DENTIST!!!!

I know some dentists that are wonderful people so I will forgive them for making that evil career choice.  Why on earth would anyone want to be a dentist?  Sticking your fingers in people's mouths and drilling and poking and I'm all sweaty just thinking about it.

It's true what they say, when it rains it pours.  In getting ready for my chest cracking surgery I went to the dentist to make sure I don't have any dental issues going into surgery.  Somehow the two things are related and the doctors felt the need to torment me so they made me see a dentist.  Here comes the pouring part...I need two, count 'em, TWO root canals and and extraction BEFORE my chest gets cracked.  

Trust me, this is not something I would joke about.  This is real.  This is serious.  It's time to start panicking!!  It's time to assume the fetal position!  

Thankfully I have taken on the title of Captain Naughty Heart, and superheros fight through their fears, even the ones that involve spitting into mini toilet bowls.  So I will put on my cape and lay in that icky chair and tighten every muscle in my body while they drill baby drill.

I'll be sure and post about my lack of bravery and take pictures of my clenched muscles when it happens.  All for your reading and viewing enjoyment.  Because I'm a giver.

From my heart to yours,

While I'm in the torture chair I'll be thinking about this sweet face...

And probably this one, too...

Sometimes rain is a good thing!!!

Verbal Vomit

Sorry to use such a gross term on this otherwise sweet blog, but this blog wasn't really intended to be sweet.  It was intended to be real.  The real deal.  And it is serving as my therapy.  So I will get real and lay on my therapeutic couch, which in this case is my computer chair, and tell you what's on my mind.  And why there is no longer mascara on my eyelashes.

Yep, I had a good cry tonight.  I've hardly cried at all since this whole experience happened.  In fact, the first time I cried was when I realized I was going to have to miss the birth of our second grandpunk because the surgery couldn't wait.  Oh, and I cried when I realized I would have to tell our missionary son about all of this yucky stuff.  Other than that I've pretty much been a stud.  A superhero.  Come to think of it, I need a superhero name.  Maybe I could be Captain Naughty Heart.

Have you ever had a verbal vomit?  We laugh about them in our family.  And we've all been guilty of them at one time or another.  It's those moments when you know you should zip it but, instead, out comes exactly what you're thinking, and it's not happy thoughts.  My wonderful middle child, Shelby, will sometimes warn us when a verbal vomit is imminent.  And it always cracks me up.

Well, tonight someone had a verbal vomit with me and it caused my cheeks to be stained in Mary Kay Ultimate Mascara (if you've never tried it, I highly recommend it, but that's really not the point.)  Someone who really loves me, and I know without a doubt that this someone really loves me, asked me for information "just in case."  Just in case what, you might ask?

Just in case:

I picked a friendly and happy tombstone because there's no reason to be morbid.
One with flowers is so much less dreary.

Or just in case I end up a:

If this were to happen, and I'm sure it won't, but if it did I'd much rather be called a cookie, or a cupcake, or a brownie.  But no one ever says, "She's a brownie now."  

Anywho, this person who loves me very much asked me for something they would need just in case...  I know for sure they didn't mean to make me feel bad, but it felt like a verbal vomit that splattered all over me.  And it didn't feel good.  I think it was partly because the surgery is a month from today, so today seemed like a bit of a milestone.  And I think my mascara took a hit partly because I didn't sleep well last night and exhaustion is not mascara's best friend.  Or maybe I just needed to have a good cry and move on. 

And that's just what I'm doing.  I'm moving on.  And by on I mean forward.  And by forward I mean to better health.  When this is over no one is going to be putting flowers near a stone.  Or calling me a brownie.  When this is over I am going to be Captain Strong Heart.  

From my heart to yours,

This is our first grandpunk, Hudson.  Even Huddy knows that sometimes it's okay to cry!

General Conference Does My Heart Good!

I love, truly love, General Conference!  It's so uplifting and inspiring.

Two of the talks that really inspired me this time are below:


Jeffrey R. Holland - "She hath done what she could"

Elder Holland said, "Down through history poverty has been considered humankind’s greatest and most widespread challenge, Its obvious toll is usually physical, but the spiritual and emotional damage it can bring may be even more debilitating. In any case, the great Redeemer has issued no more persistent call than for us to join Him in lifting this heavy burden from the people.”

I immediately texted my brother and sister-in-law and suggested that our families not buy each other Christmas gifts this year, but instead donate the money we would have spent to the church's fast offering fund to help those in need.  Truth be told, we have no need.  We have wants, but there is a great difference between wants and true need.  There are so many people in this world who have such serious needs.

David A. Bednar - "Come and see if the restored gospel of Jesus Christ enlarges and enriches that which you already believe."

Elder Bednar said, "Devoted disciples of Jesus Christ always have been and always will be valiant missionaries,” he explained. “A missionary is a follower of Christ who testifies of Him as the Redeemer and proclaims the truths of His gospel.”

He spoke to those not of our faith. He explained what we believe and why we are anxious to share this great message with the world. He inspired me to want to be braver and more bold about telling those around me what I know to be true.  I want to follow the example of our missionary, Elder Jake.  I want to devote my life to helping people come unto Christ. I plan to take a few copies of the Book of Mormon to the hospital with me next month and give them to those who care for me.  It will be my way of thanking them for their care, and for caring for them in return.

If you want to listen to these great messages and many more, click the link below:

October 2014 LDS General Conference

These messages are life changing, I know because they have changed mine.

From my heart to yours,

Elder Jake and Elder Faimalo
Sharing the good news of the gospel in Lethbridge, Alberta Canada