Verbal Vomit

Sorry to use such a gross term on this otherwise sweet blog, but this blog wasn't really intended to be sweet.  It was intended to be real.  The real deal.  And it is serving as my therapy.  So I will get real and lay on my therapeutic couch, which in this case is my computer chair, and tell you what's on my mind.  And why there is no longer mascara on my eyelashes.

Yep, I had a good cry tonight.  I've hardly cried at all since this whole experience happened.  In fact, the first time I cried was when I realized I was going to have to miss the birth of our second grandpunk because the surgery couldn't wait.  Oh, and I cried when I realized I would have to tell our missionary son about all of this yucky stuff.  Other than that I've pretty much been a stud.  A superhero.  Come to think of it, I need a superhero name.  Maybe I could be Captain Naughty Heart.

Have you ever had a verbal vomit?  We laugh about them in our family.  And we've all been guilty of them at one time or another.  It's those moments when you know you should zip it but, instead, out comes exactly what you're thinking, and it's not happy thoughts.  My wonderful middle child, Shelby, will sometimes warn us when a verbal vomit is imminent.  And it always cracks me up.

Well, tonight someone had a verbal vomit with me and it caused my cheeks to be stained in Mary Kay Ultimate Mascara (if you've never tried it, I highly recommend it, but that's really not the point.)  Someone who really loves me, and I know without a doubt that this someone really loves me, asked me for information "just in case."  Just in case what, you might ask?

Just in case:

I picked a friendly and happy tombstone because there's no reason to be morbid.
One with flowers is so much less dreary.

Or just in case I end up a:

If this were to happen, and I'm sure it won't, but if it did I'd much rather be called a cookie, or a cupcake, or a brownie.  But no one ever says, "She's a brownie now."  

Anywho, this person who loves me very much asked me for something they would need just in case...  I know for sure they didn't mean to make me feel bad, but it felt like a verbal vomit that splattered all over me.  And it didn't feel good.  I think it was partly because the surgery is a month from today, so today seemed like a bit of a milestone.  And I think my mascara took a hit partly because I didn't sleep well last night and exhaustion is not mascara's best friend.  Or maybe I just needed to have a good cry and move on. 

And that's just what I'm doing.  I'm moving on.  And by on I mean forward.  And by forward I mean to better health.  When this is over no one is going to be putting flowers near a stone.  Or calling me a brownie.  When this is over I am going to be Captain Strong Heart.  

From my heart to yours,

This is our first grandpunk, Hudson.  Even Huddy knows that sometimes it's okay to cry!